Edition 47
Everyone's talking about how having a boyfriend is embarrassing now, good advice for getting over our obsession with IG likes & if someone needs to be the woman of the year, I'm glad it's Miss Rachel
My world: I went to a beautiful party thrown by Hermes that felt like a school reunion for everyone I’ve ever known and worked with. It was so fun. I stayed until the middle of the night (10pm on the dot). It’s nice to be reminded of how much you actually like people! * We’re prepping to move house next week, which for me involves putting three things in a box, then searching Facebook Marketplace for new house treasures for three hours, then putting on an Augustinus Bader Hydrogel Mask while I call my mum to tell her hard it is, repeat. * I drove a Porsche Panamera for the week. It’s very powerful, very blue, and looked gorgeously spring-like under Sydney’s Jacarandas. * It was hot and I non-stop wore a breezy new ‘house dress’ (my words, not theirs) kindly sent to me from Spell. It’s a fun little tradwife cosplay for someone with no tradwife leanings at all, which is the only acceptable time to dress like one. * I spent some time at the newly designed Apple store in Chatswood Chase. For the first time they have a pick up bar, so you can order online and pick it up whenever you want. (Did you know Apple offer money off your old products when you trade them in for something new? I just learned this and I feel like I’ve been walking away from free money this whole time.) * Halloween is over which means it’s Christmas. The carols are on and if anyone can tell me what you do about the combination of a real tree and a 38kg rambunctious puppy, any advice is welcome.
On to the links…
In what must be one of the most viral stories of the year, British Vogue asked ‘Is Having A Boyfriend Embarrassing Now?’
…recently, there’s been a pronounced shift in the way people showcase their relationships online: far from fully hard-launching romantic partners, straight women are opting for subtler signs: a hand on a steering wheel, clinking glasses at dinner, or the back of someone’s head. On the more confusing end, you have faces blurred out of wedding pictures or entire professionally edited videos with the fiancé conveniently cropped out of all shots. Women are obscuring their partner’s face when they post, as if they want to erase the fact they exist without actually not posting them.
So, what gives? Are people embarrassed of their boyfriends now? Or is something more complicated going on? To me, it feels like the result of women wanting to straddle two worlds: one where they can receive the social benefits of having a partner, but also not appear so boyfriend-obsessed that they come across quite culturally loser-ish. “They want the prize and celebration of partnership, but understand the norminess of it,” says Zoé Samudzi, writer and activist. In other words, in an era of widespread heterofatalism, women don’t want to be seen as being all about their man, but they also want the clout that comes with being partnered up.
But it’s not all about image. When I did a call out on Instagram to my 65,000 followers, plenty of women told me that they were in fact superstitious. Some feared the “evil eye”, a belief that their happy relationships would spark a jealousy so strong in other people that it could end the relationship. Others were concerned about their relationship ending, and then being stuck with the posts. “I was in a relationship for 12 years and never once posted him or talked about him online. We broke up recently, and I don’t think I will ever post a man,” says Nikki, 38. “Even though I am a romantic, I still feel like men will embarrass you even 12 years in, so claiming them feels so lame.”
But there was an overwhelming sense from single and partnered women alike that, regardless of the relationship, being with a man was an almost guilty thing to do. On The Delusional Diaries Podcast, fronted by two New York-based influencers, Halley and Jaz, they discuss whether having a boyfriend is “lame” now. “Why does having a boyfriend feel Republican?” read a top comment, with 12,000 likes. “Boyfriends are out of style. They won’t come back in until they start acting right,” read another, with 10,000 likes. In essence, “having a boyfriend typically takes hits on a woman’s aura”, as one commenter claimed. Funnily enough, both of these hosts have partners, which is something I often see online. Even partnered women will lament men and heterosexuality – partly in solidarity with other women, but also because it is now fundamentally uncool to be a boyfriend-girl.
Tradwives are getting sexy now, writes Vanity Fair, as the category gets more competitive—filled with women who want the old-school husband and the sourdough starters, but not necessarily the Jesus and the 12 children that often accompanies.
…as the conservative manosphere reached peak saturation after last year’s election, a market opportunity emerged for the women who see themselves as those men’s potential partners. In this space, tradwife is less of a literal descriptor and more of a marketing term for a woman who is willing to put herself second in her real—or theoretical—marriage.
Lacey, for one, aspires to this sort of relationship. “The full meaning of a tradwife is like you do the sourdough, you frolic in the field, you have your animals, but also at the end of the day, you submit to your husband,” she says. “He is the head of the household, and you live your life in a very godly way. There’s a lot of people that really don’t want to get into that. They just want to have the fun parts of that.” But if you want to do it the right way—as defined by Lacey—then she thinks you count as a tradwife, even if your housework includes some camgirling on the side.
The Venn diagram of sexual-content creators and morally upright Christian conservatives is looking more like a circle as they begin to share space on each other’s platforms.
Speaking of… I wish more people thought like Ochuko Akpovbovbo, who in response to all the pearl-clutching over Nara Smith’s washboard stomach-post baby shots wrote what might be the most relevant advice of our times. “I’ll be honest, I don’t get why you guys are mad at Nara Smith for posting her very flat postpartum tummy on Instagram. So? Some of us have zero offspring and have never been that snatched. The trick is to look away. To say, bless her. To realize she is not addressing you in particular. Her good fortune is not a mockery of your reality. If all else fails just block her. Literally block everyone till you find peace.”
In a similar philosophy, Blackbird Spylane wrote this week about how people are scared to post because Instagram engagement “has fallen off a cliff” (I have lamented this myself and instantly hated myself for noting, let alone caring) and why we need to get over ourselves.
…we owe sites like Instagram and their capricious algorithms absolutely zero purchase on our sense of self-worth.
The faves we do or do not rack up when we deign to share photos from our lives aren’t a measure of anything consequential. We all know this to be true, to the point that typing it out feels obvious, and yet it’s a truth we’re prone to lose sight of.
To be clear, we’re fully in favor of never posting at all and, if you wish, deleting social media entirely. But if you do post, and you take pics that you think rock? Post them. The more of these you post, and the fewer faves you receive, the more Bigger Brained Ws you are racking up regardless, because you’re doing your part to devalue faves — an inane currency that absolutely deserves devaluing.
Glamour celebrated the children’s YouTube performer and human rights activist Miss Rachel as one of their 2025 Women of the Year, and this is what magazines are for.
[On how she protects herself when she becomes a target of criticism for her activist work]
I have to just remind myself that kids’ lives are more important than my reputation, or something that I might read that’s painful. There’s no comparison to what people are going through. And I think when I met Israa, who’s Rahaf’s mom, a little girl from Gaza, and I sat with her, I thought, What if we were in each other’s places? What would I want her to do for me? I saw her look at her kids. I look at my kids, and I saw her pain seeing her boys in Gaza, who she’s away from. I just wish everyone could sit with people and hear their story. I think we make up our own stories about groups and about people that aren’t true. And then we justify things. It’s just so important to talk with people.
Legendary 90s magazine editor (of Sassy, Jane and xojane.com) Jane Pratt is writing a memoir. From Page Six:
We’re told that the chapter titles in the proposal are a nod to her legacy with the first-person genre.
They include, “I Was Banished to an Institution in a Faraway Land,” “I Cut Myself on Purpose,” “I Had a Panic Attack While Giving a Speech and it Hospitalized Me,” “The Moral Majority Killed My Baby,” “My Dad Was Murdered,” “I Was Not In Love But Got Engaged Anway,” and “I Took Benzos While Pregnant.”
Below the paywall (upgrade using the button below to access the content):
Why are engagement rings getting bigger?
Calisthenics are the new run clubs (but not the kind you remember)
Understanding Gen Alpha
A safe space for people who don’t have (or want) kids
How trustworthy are MDMA-recovered memories, like those in The Tell?
Job hunting right now is objectively more awful than ever for everyone
Why the internet is worse than ever
Kim Kardashian’s hold over how we see our bodies is problematic
Some people can’t see in pictures! This is INSANE to me.
What is gooning? Also, I’m so, so sorry in advance for bringing this to your attention.
Portugal is the new Hamptons
Do you need to be tracking your sweat? Or your poop?
The latest perfume trend has Wednesday Adams vibes
Men are looking for women who are ‘a little bit autistic’ on dating apps
A safe career path in 2025: cleaner to the superrich
Old American motel and Aussie milk bar pictures to make you happy in the face of everything
Ghost hunting is the new adventure vacay
